Getting serious about triggers

This post is about the rape culture in gaming…again…I know…done to death – please don’t read it if you are subject to triggers. This is a no holds barred kind of post and very ranty and venty!!

Let me start by saying, I like my guild, a lot.  They are funny, no BS, crap talking gamers who enjoy their classes, toons and the kill.  Very much like me.  However, there has been one  issue of the rape word being used.  The first time, I let it slide because essentially, once doesn’t make it a pattern, the second time we were running with another guild and I am pretty sure (although not 100%)  that it was said by someone in the other guild – perhaps that was my wishful thinking and the third time was last night by one of our female raiders.  That shocked me more than anything, a girl saying it (yes I am sexist!)

I have come along way in the 5 years since my therapy stopped.  I no longer freak out at the supermarket, I have some anxiety going out when I know there will be a lot of people, I still get sweaty palms when tradesmen walk near me or I am stuck in an elevator with them, and I still cringe when someone uses the word rape. I no longer collapse into a puddle of tears and it doesn’t conjure up the nightmares anymore, but the images come and for a moment I re-live it – I am better at controlling the images though and can shut them out with some effort now.  Even when hubby and I are mucking around sometimes he will do something that causes me to get nervous about the situation and that takes a lot to get under control.  It strikes whenever something reminds me of that situation, it is unpredictable.

During my therapy one of things I had to do, was to write the entire event down, in as much detail as I could remember. It helped putting pen to paper, it took me 3 months to write it, but I did it.  I wonder if I posted that publicly, would people understand why using the word rape as a descriptor is not acceptable?  How many people could stomach reading what someone actually endured, what someone did to them? Could you read it and put yourself in their position?  Would people then see that being strangled by a belt whilst being tortured conjures up horrible images when you use the word so easily?  If it was you, or your sister/brother or your friends….how would you feel if they told you they were nearly killed because someone couldn’t control themselves, I asked the same question back ages ago for a blog challenge?

Do people who use that term even actually consider what they are saying?  The violation and torture that people are subjected during an ordeal such at that should never be compared to pixels on a screen killing your pixel character.  It removes the horror of what people like I suffered through and live with every day.  The point I am at with the guild is wanting to say something, but knowing I can’t without feeling guilty for telling people to shut it in the first place.  I am still new and trying to fit into the guild, I don’t want to seem precious – because really – I am far from it, but as I have posted previously, you never know who is behind the screen and taking a few moments to consider how insulting you are being could change someone’s day entirely.

Likely I will say something to the GM over the next couple of days, if I get the courage and if it gets said again.

If there is a slightly funny side to this, I was warned by a good friend that their concerns were about the language used in their guild and how it may cause issue for me if I joined them and even my hubby and I discussed being back in a guild again and having to prepare for the use of the word.  It annoys me that it is even a discussion that needs to happen.  It annoys me that my 3 hours of agony and subsequent years of mental torment are constantly compared to something in a video game.

Anyway, I am jumping off my soap box and crawling back into my bubble :)

 

 

 

 

Posted by February 3, 2014 8 comments Category: General, Guild Tagged: , , , ,

8 comments on Getting serious about triggers:

  1. Matty February 3, 2014 12:28 pm

    We don’t allow that word in the big guild I am in, Reloaded, and I certainly wouldn’t allow it in my two-man one. You are welcome with open, understanding arms.

    • Dragonray February 3, 2014 8:30 pm

      Aww thanks Matty, I know there are plenty of guilds out there with a not allowed policy, I just wish it wasn’t needed :)

  2. Mushan February 3, 2014 4:11 pm

    Thanks for your post, Dragonray.

    I’ve said this before, but not only is it a shame that this (what you wrote) even needs to be said, ever, in this millennium, but also that the reason that you have to talk about it is exactly because it’s still an issue. So don’t have any reservations about being “on a soap box.” This kind of crap is unacceptable.

    There is obviously (and unfortunately) a significant disconnect among certain members of the human race when it comes to rape culture. It saddens me greatly. Thanks for sharing every word you wrote here.

    • Dragonray February 3, 2014 8:32 pm

      As I have said before, if I can stop just one person saying it, then I am happy…if I can stop more, even better. I would gladly repeat myself until the message is heard, but unfortunately not everyone is as nice as you !! xxoo

  3. Cymre February 3, 2014 8:38 pm

    I never like hearing it used in a gaming context since these individuals use as as casually as they would say ‘zerg’ or something similar. Luckily it hasn’t been too much of an issue in my guild just the odd raid or pvp situation which involves PUGS. That said, feel free to rant away any time you need to.

    • Dragonray February 4, 2014 7:28 am

      Thanks Cymre, I shall enjoy my ranting whenever possible :) It is the casual use that I dislike, it is not a casual event in ones life and I just which is was not so easily thrown out there because clearly you know what the word means :/ to use it in context, but have never really thought about it too much…maybe?

  4. Erinys February 5, 2014 7:24 am

    Getting a bit annoyed with it at the moment cos Mr Harpy is watching a high rated Fire Mage pvp on twitch and he says it far too often. I feel like getting a twitch account just so I can tell him off for it. I’m pretty sure this guy doesn’t want to hurt anyone, he just isn’t thinking and it’s frustrating.

    • Dragonray February 5, 2014 8:15 am

      Yeah the problem I think is that people a) don’t speak up – I know I am too embarrassed to because of my history – it is still embarrassing for me to talk about with people and b) don’t really consider what the word actually means – the actual violence behind it.

      You should make an account and do it…I would!!

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